Compelled

The day attacks

and the sun still shines







(till it can't anymore)







it is inspired to do this from somewhere.




it ignores the wars
and its own opinions







except when inhibited.





As long as it lives it it is compelled to shine.

Mae's heart is always broke.

"Love isn't what it use to be."

"Me without my hearing aids."

"Is it just my legs that get your attention?"






"Yes."

"Idiot."

"Right."

"I don't think I told you this before, but I don't know the difference between love and hate."

"Hate is one feeling I don't need to rehearse for."

"You are method."

"Dig."

She lined her cigarettes on the table. "I practically moved all of my furniture into his house. I wrote sonnets to him and saved all of his emails." She picked one and rolled it between her fingers. "I bathed myself in his cellphone self portrait's, and watched--in my mind our future kids tumble down the stairs."

"Even the banal ones?"

"What?"

"The emails."

"Yea. All of them."

"Ah banality. I knew this about you."

"My smoking?"

"No, with relationships you get embedded. I don't hear from you; and then every now and then I get these cryptic messages from the front, on how his braided chest hairs are so beautiful... "

"Sigh."

"Yea. Sigh."

"That's my problem though I keep looking. I don' t know what for, and maybe shouldn't. I'm doing all this looking around, waisting all of this time, all of it seems like something other than love.

"Somethings wrong."

"Yea, and comfort is proving to be brief from both polarities."

Anthony is out to lunch

"I told her to stop looking at the size of my head."



"When it comes to you guys having kids? And she persisted?"



"Well now that I bring this up, it was a bigger relationship than just having kids with me, you know?"



'Right."



"Well we were still in talks when it came to just having sex."



"Dig."



"But in the end she really wanted to move to Buffalo."



"And wanted you to go with her?"



"No she didn't."



"Of course. It sounds like love. It sounds romantic."



"I don't understand why we even got together. I must choose women based on their naivety in the future."



"Of course."

remember

you are at the spot


i know this spot





imagination runs wild
and fear sets out the chairs





even the venerable make it here



counting the hairs on their head in disbelief







Here the sighs are heavy

and every-- so called loving behaviour from the past is remembered




there are those who need you here

as validity is their comfort




and they will serve you with tea,warm pie and unease




but this is that spot we must forget









here we must listen instead of plan.





we must remember to forget.

melody

the way they are composed




the texture




the framing


the softness






it is like you are playing.




fingers across the compass
playing generously

playing lovely.

William is learning

"I know a lot of life's foibles do not come into play for you, because you spend most of your time sitting in this place."

"Foibles?"

"Dumpin' sugar and stirring coffee with your finger."

"I have a habit. Why should I get silverware involved."

"But I'm sitting in this woman's office and I feel disdain filling me up and shit forming in my mouth. She could just say anything remotely close or even in the suburbs of contempt to anyone else in our meeting and disorderly conduct bubbles out of me."

"You don't like her."

"No."

"Is it the perfume she wears?"

"What?"

"I read somewhere in the New Yorker that the perfume a person wears can cause disorderly conduct to be evoked from another person."

"Evoked? The New Yorker? What is this?"

"Well I am in the city of well read."

"Right. You know this women doesn't even have to say anything and I feel my blood pressure increasing and my thoughts dimming." He said resting his elbows on the table. He pulled himself back for a moment. "You know my whole point is that I am learning something here, right?"

"What?"

"Can you hear me beyond the music that is playing in your head?"

"Not really, but I have tile I could be grouting at home--I'm sure, and you are dragging me through a carbon cloud."

"Well my point is--now that you have properly highlighted it: I have learned something about myself by the level of irritation that is in my life."

"Of course."

Nicholas Flinch

"Look, my mother grew up in this town that now has chickens crossing the road a mile away away from a new--and only golf course. A Jack Nicholas golf course."




"Which came first?"





"The chickens."







"Of course."






"I'm no communist." He circled a cigar around a lit wooden match and quickly inhaled.



"Fidel might disagree."

"Dog, I'm not!"

"I know. But when does it matter that anybody cares 'what you're not'."


"What?"


"Try not to get me to say that again."


"I think my sentiments have shifted."


"What?"


"Sentiments. A emotional thought."



"Of course, but a man smoking a cigar never says sentiments."


Again he inhaled deeply, and surrounded his face with smoke. "I say whatever the fuck I want to say."




"Right. Of course you do. Your a communist."




"You know, I don't care about the uninterested. I don't care that there is gentrification; this city is 5 miles squared and horse shooed by water. Where can they move those people?"




"Is that why you don't care?"




"No I don't worry because...listen I will say 'I don't worry.' instead of 'I don't care' that's inaccurate. So, I don't worry because I believe in helping the willing."


"You."

"Me."


"What?"

"Yes"


"Not the helpless or the handicap?"




"Are you trying to trip me up with this blanket sentence?"





"Its fun making shit up."





"It is just the willing or the unwilling." He pressed his cigar into an ashtray. "Once you become willing there is always someone waiting to take you higher."

"I'm unwilling to pay this check."

You bring them, but I'm ok.

you brought them to the pier






they are noisy








but they dress so nice












comfort you with adulation (the outstanding needs no one to tell them so) and your favorite snacks
you take it all--yes--uneasily because your standing at this pier


of course they also hand you their worries
despair
and their darkness
and you wear them so you can feel you exist






you exist




you're expansive










the boat comes, and you can only sail when you have left them all behind.