"For me, it’s all about the idea. For example, the idea for Hunger demanded it be a narrative 35mm feature film. So the idea comes first and dictates the form. I’m not in love with anything but the idea itself and the best way it is asking to be represented."













--British visual artist Steve McQueen

your kitchen is on fire and you are out here standing on your walkway telling me I'm under dressed.









why can't i tell you




why can't you see it.

something entirely more extrarodinary

You will lose your virginity again.











It will be your wedding night.






it will be a vessel of first's



and you will feel luminous








but it is all nothing



and it will easily diminish in place of....












all on




the road



to...

"Pay close attention to the most tedious thing you can find (Tax Returns, Televised Golf) and, in waves, a boredom like you've never known will wash over you and just about kill you. Ride these out, and it's like stepping from black and white into color. Like water after days in the desert. Instant bliss in every atom."





-David Foster Wallace

Teddy William Paste

"It didn't knock me on the ground, but I decided not to go to choir practice that evening."

"I thought you were taking Aikido on Wednesday?"

"Yeah."

"OK."

"You know why it happened right?"

"I don't know. A CTA bus mirror is about the same height as your head when you stand too far off the curb."

"Its because I saw her again."

"Please Teddy..."

"I didn't plan this. I am not looking for her. I stop stalking years ago."

"I am always searching for that place in me... A place that wants to believe you."

He began scratching his plate with his fork. "She was leaning up against a wall, as I walked past her in a thinned crowd of people.

"Thinned?"

"I was on point. " He said looking enlightened. "I kept going."

"Well I figured you would. The many stories you tell of her are always littered with this avoidance."

"I only see her a handful of times a year."

"How many?"

"What?"

"How many?"

"Seven this year. You expect me to stop and to talk to her?"

"She treated you like shit Teddy. Coupled with the fact that she kept you in clinics."

"Well in the end there were only a couple things that actually got diagnosed."

"What is it about her Teddy?"



"I forgave her. I want her to be free of that burden."

"You think she cares?"

"I don't know. I saw that she was pregnant." He stirred the ice in his glass. "I think it will help her life."

"You think?"


"I know I was the worst of her wrath, her fear, maybe my forgiveness will mean the most."











*

being lost is when i found

Render your sighs.

the talks continue.

our cause sets the course for a life never documented.










emotions will bulldoze but we stop them short

anger and sadness climb from it





then we render our sighs

and I hear your voice.











we talk softly and joy is gleaned












it is here we have made it a habit to know for sure.

i wish you could garden all day
and drink wine in peace



wouldn't it be nice?
your empire from the dirt
your joy in the water



i wish you could farm all day
dirt on your brow
love on your face





I wish you could
your pancreas is asking

it is where you are home.