I will bitch








but I will keep going.

the mentor
is rude








doesn't keep my fears in mind when decisions are made

The present is where all my mail comes.

the future is a cad



a rake



it doesn't exist
i can only use the past as a bulletin for it.
it is criminal the way it tries---- it tethers me along


reading scripts from the extinct

handcuffed when the forthwith needs and answer






my now is bailed out
it is free

You might come out and find out you are too bright to see.

I like to talk about these things.

*this and that

It makes thee uneasy
you open your window and yell out what you've already decided
you might come out



find out
you are too bright to see
it is out here the pain is presented surgically.



coming out of you

but the pellucid goes in---instantly

and still you're uneasy

you are too bright to see

I like to talk about these things




but you're uneasy.

Nicholas is on to something.

"...And that is when he said 'Why is that people riding on a bus look out at us? It is like these motherfucka's get on a bus--or anywhere they are in a situation where they have to wait--that's when they begin looking around, trying to use something or someone as a television.' And this is what killed me. He said 'Me standing on a motherfucking curb waiting on this big ass bus to stop blocking the crosswalk: that they are riding in! Becomes TV for their ass!' This is Anthony at his finest."

"He needs a Pulitzer."

"He has one room of his mind that has too much furniture in it."

"Doesn't he realize he is doing the same thing?"

"I think the beautiful thing is he is aware that he is doing it. But the truly most interesting thing about him is when he goes on one of these shouting paragraphs he is really talking to himself; he is complaining or recognizing his own behaviour. His tongue is wedged into his cheek."


Why point it out then? That is what puzzles me."


"It goes back to the first thing 'He's aware' and he wants to know where it leads."

"It's not that serious."

"It is."

"He's having more fun in the observation."

"He's having fun, but he is figuring things out at the same time. He sees that life is happening while you are on your way to Yoga class. He wants to know what is happening. He wants to know what is going on during all of this down time away from what you consider your life."

"He seems to comical for that."

"I don't know. I think he wants you to believe that to throw you off the scent of something much more metaphysical that you are not ready to digest."

"You think?"


"I don't know."

still

nails across the chalk
there is a commotion
and even a sharp whisper that pretends to lull me.











abide it asks



stay still' it demands








so much attention it gives to me
reckless and ugly

my edges fray



they do fray!











but i am still-- i counter.

there has been these moments were the pressure has been felt

i have tried to dragged the worry





and everything to crowd this transport of inspiration











it is so full





it is so packed with only what matters







I look for rooms here to put my comfort



my safety





and there is only certainty



there is only credence.