do nothing

watch your life begin








give up

















give up














completly break yourself open






then do nothing

"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars..."






-Jack Kerouac

Slowie likes four more than me.

"Sleeping with you was one of many devastating mistakes I made in my life. I mean no offense."

"Oh, offense taken."

"Ok. I just mean it is like I-think anyway, that I just love drama so much, you know?"

"You have revealed many clues."

"You think?"

"Yes."

"Ok. I mean I can just look at my evenings over the last four years."

"I would have to say longer. Why do you arrive at four years?"

"I always like the number four."

"You have an affinity for four, so that's why you drop it into sentences?"

"Yes."

"I see."

"I discovered that most of my evenings with men wind up with me in a torn skirt..."

"Intoxicated.."

"Or angry, crying."

"Desperate."

"Ok. There is Sigmund who loves me to death. He's a beautiful man."

"Choked."

"Ok."

"Ok."

"What goes on with me? What goes on where I have to continue finding situations where I am left in emotional debris?"

"Trash gives you someplace to always reemerge from like the last 15 minutes of an action movie."

"You believe that?"

"I don't know."

"Do you?"

"I know one thing in the last 4 years you've enjoyed being next to bullshit, you've enjoyed reporting from fucked up situations. It was as if you deserve these situations or if you wanted people to see you there and then you have this dramatic march back to people who really care about you, such as Sigmund and myself. As a side note I think both of us weren't sadistic enough for you that is why we were heavily marginalized. As another side note that you can think about when you are having your.... fourth..."

"Thank you."

"...Martini in your bathtub. There is nothing wrong with your sexual cravings you will just have to find healthy ways to be punched during sex."

"Ok. That was well thought out."

"You would make a great actress; beautiful at hitting your mark."

"I'm faking?"


"Mmmhmm."

"I hate this place. I like Nordstroms better."

"Eat your food and get out."

"You think I'm a fraud."

"With every fiber of my being."

"Ok."

"Slowie my dear I think you want me like others to feel sorry for you. But you're running the show. You're running this whole sad play just to get attention. For you to finally break out of it you would have to understand that love is your only missing ingredient. Love and then the unknown would be the next stage to walk out on. "

"I don't know what to say."

"Eat your food and get out. But remember I love you."

i like to keep opening up


i want to open
i'm in love with this.

I don't know a damn thing


I am fuckin insane
till inspiration speaks






give me ambiguity





give me the unknown
let me live in it



even

in


the


middle

of my dramatists outburst

the lullaby of haze it casts...





give me ambiguity


and i will know sanity.





i will know.