the beautiful and positive you are dragged towards

you are tricked to see.

the negative and the anguish

you gallop to be

you whistle and

decorate your body

only thinking you're free.

Anthony is discernible.

"Do you think I am too sensitive?"

"As far as male on male relationships I try not to even think about discussing, or if discussed, using that type of wordage when, yes! A man like you is too sensitive."

"How do you do that?"

"I don't know."

"Ok just hear me out this could sound strange."

"You're 'Anthony at the Station' I expect at least, askew."

"What is the fuckin' deal with me when it comes to sex?"

"How's that?"

"Sex."

"Right. I am clear on that part of the sentence."

"Look. I found myself stumbling into sexual relations with a few women, right? You understand so far?"

"Yeah I got it. Should I have asked for a disclaimer first? Because I really become leery about the..."

"Listen I think this is really interesting."

"OK."

"Alright?"

"OK."

"I found myself in this position where....where I can't stand being manipulated for sex. I find that having some sort of one night stand leaves me to analysis the shit with them, you know what I mean?"

"No."

"I have to confront them on what it means to our relationship. I as a gentleman cannot properly digest a fucking booty call without first discussing its meaning!"

"So what you are saying is that you are a woman."

"Well...I just don't know."

"Are these--on paper, temporary relationships? A venue that clearly allows everyone in the room to know that whatever is negotiated in here--from the bar, and the bathroom to the dance floor, is clearly on a clock? This relationship has a strong possibility of lasting no longer than this evening."

"See this is my point. This is starting to hit closer to home. Some of these woman are working in venues that don't necessarily constitute a one night sexual tête à tête, such as a museum for example, they use proper museum words pretending to be arrested by a Henri Matisse painting..."

"I don't think they're pretending."

"Well maybe not. Maybe in some cases they just gathered this knowledge fraudulently in years of Art History classes, and are using it for evil."

"I don't go to museums, but the last time I took a woman there she told me that a painting's pigment matched her skirt."

"How did that evening work out for you?"

"There was no manipulation needed."

"You and I are in two different cities of needed experiences."

"Maybe so but listening to you now I am starting to feel so dirty."

"Exactly. What is so fascinating to me is at what great length--a woman of all people, will go to architect a sexual experience."

"Like a guy."

"Yeah. It's like if I was thinking the same way, like most men do. I wouldn't notice it, or if I was only thinking a little less than her she could somehow convince me it was my idea all along and I would believe her. I believe I'm a cad for the simple fact that I'm a guy, and that is what guy's do; we manipulate woman for sex through any means necessary. But I feel like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, and now I have gotten behind that fuckin' curtain, man. I for the first time in my life have begun to head off a sexual situation. We eat dinner, we watch a movie, she might try and take that shit there and it ain't working for me. I don't feel it deep, you know? I get metaphysical on the shit rather than the derivative 'OK'"

"Yeah that's different. How good are you at this? You could be a circus act."

"I'm approaching 70 percent."

"That alone should put you in the top 5 percent of whatever fucking club that is."

"It has shoveled chaos out of my life at times."

"But I'm not sure if it helps in my further evaluation of you."

The correction

it IS a correction

when things are addled for me

it is a a clearing for you-- those I inter depend

it is a correction.

I need to see it that way...

Slowie likes monster trucks and the truth.

"So I am completely outside now."

"Ok."

"Yes...so I have on a Giambattista Valli ostrich feather and silk velvet and tulle dress that I picked up discounted at Barney's New York."

"You don't know what's going on in the world do you?"

"I'm not done."

"I also have on some Christian Louboutin shoes."

"Of course."

"But this is where everything gets interesting. I am completely outside now and my face and hair is in a thick cloud of exhaust from his truck."

"OK."

"This guy is picking me up in a monster truck!"

"What kind?"

"What do you mean?"

"Is it a Ford or Chevrolet?"

"I can't even get up into this thing!"

"So you attempted to get into it?"

"Well we were running late."

"Should I ask how you met him? Or will this expose a already thinning veil of sanity."

"He's an artist."

"What medium?"

"Graffiti."

"Of course."

"I like him. Even after he decides to ride over the cars on my block. He later told me he discovered a way to do it without shattering their windshields."

"I can dig that, your block has more German cars than Stuttgart."

"He tells me the truth."

"What? You don't get that from me?"

"You're good. But like others you're sort of a fake."

"What do you mean?"

"Your like a top that doesn't spin on your own. If I want you to be truthful and serious I have to keep spinning you. Once I stop engaging your well you go back to talking about your sad love life. My monster truck driving artist is constant. I like constant...well at times I hate it, but I need it. I need a constant something to be able to make a proper decision in my life.

"I see."

"On top of it all he doesn't feel it necessary to talk about his shit. Like he knows its a waste of time to give me things that will eventually work out on their own. He has cars to ride over."

"Is my love life sad?"

"Hello?"

#002

The coffee didn't taste the same anymore. I didn't need to keep trying it to see. I didn't need to do any of these substances to distract myself or keep me available for whatever damage she had for me or I had for myself. She made me smoke, drink and set the ground work for an emotional infarction. Nah she didn't, it was all me and what I expected to happen, but I have to admit it sounds good to project. I can't believe this place has all you can eat mussels on Thursday nights.

When we met here I was so open and exhilarated. It's funny what you give up when you meet someone new, it is like you sell everything you have and you spend the rest of the relationship trying to get it all back; all while being slowly choked. Yes this is my own doing.

I can see that I am tired. I am tired of being upset at the wrong person. I love this place. I love the music.