HS

I need to give all of my free time to inspiration

the rest of the time I am waiting.

i cannot be persuaded

or manipulated

i cannot be obliged

all of my free time is used up.

Darkness

i am the conundrum that i have gotten myself into

i am also the solution

my flash needs a rap

but i head back the way i came

back through the tenebrosity

the darkness

back home

your guide the pull

your pull

go with your allurement, your bait

your inclination

it is the only way.

it is your only guide.

it is your only map

in this lawlessness

this muddle

go into your attraction.

Love.

i took my inner High

my translucent

my counselor

i took him to a strip club

where he changed thongs

to wine.

i bring my Love things

i bring it my dregs

scrapings, bits and pieces

debris

i bring my darkness

and Love obese s and brightens me

i bring my gloom and scandal's

and love feeds off of it and expands

it doesn't need my compliments

it justs needs my obscurity for me to be grand.

Slowie takes a mean photo.

"I ran into this gentleman who I had a series of exchanges with in the past."

"Gentleman?"

"Yes."

"OK."

"I wanted him for reasons I didn't know."

"What do you need to know?"

"I need to know enough to get through the weekend-- well...generally."

"Well."

"Well what?'

"Finish the Goddamn story beautiful!"

"Of course. So in exchanges I mean it was only visual."

"Visual?"

"Visual. Well he exchanged a ton of words."

"So where are we in this conversation, because I think I'm lost."

"He's an artist and I was fascinated with his work so I created a private photo exchanging site sent him the link and for a month or so I put up a photo of myself in beautifully arranged seductive poses all while paying close attention to hiding my identity."

"Again?"

"I seduced him every single day for a month. I was privy to the fact that he was capable of searingly coming a part that way."

"So that alone means off you go."

"Yes."

"Is 'Why?' a good question here?"

"I was attracted to something about him. And I was also attracted to his work and I couldn't figure out why."

"Why not stand in front of him and work it out."

"He was married."

"OK. like that has stopped your beach landings before."

"This was different. I hated what he was doing to me. I wanted to burn his mental house down."

"You don't know him, right?'

"Not at all."

"But you punish him based on the feelings he has pulled out of you?"

"Of course."

"Right."

"I wanted to draw him out so he could show me something that I can hate."

"Ok."

"That felt good to say."

"So what happen?"

"He went insane. He descended. He lost himself. He needed to know who I was. I devastated him further with my outstanding rendition of sexy and obscurity in photos."

"You're a bounder."

"I'm worse."

"But what happened next?"

"He came completely undone. I saw this ugliness in a man I had never seen. But more importantly I saw a weakness and in it was what I needed. I was healed. I was sanctified and relieved."

"Did you celebrate by eating a puppy?"

"No, I had a glass of champaign and again I was relieved."

"The question is 'What do we yearn for so deeply?' And the answer doesn't come in the form we may expect. The answer is 'We yearn deeply for an infinite, absolute communion with Love itself' The experience we seek that will ultimately satiate all our physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual hunger is and always will be, to know ourselves as whole, integrated Infinite Beings. We cannot ever know real safety, real peace, real security, real love, or real joy until we acknowledge and willingly initiate this journey to wholeness."

-Take me To The Truth

"Can I be in it, can I give to these areas of my life, without making them the most important, without living from those places? Can I still relate to the people around me? If I don't place ultimate importance in my job, my title, can I still be in it and do my work from there? I think the answer to all of these things is yes. And it might be argued that I can be better for the people around me (friends, students) if I'm living from this place of exploration, trusting in HS."

-ab

!

when it comes to you

i want wonderful back

i want outstanding

magnificent

and incredible

i want these words as only singular interpretations.

i don't want to say anything else.

they will have to feel amazing to see

they will have to feel sensational to understand.

i don't want to say anything else.

Anthony falls in love.

"I think everyone is looking for love. I know they are starving for it. Wait let me finish."

"I didn't say anything."

"I think every act is someone looking for love. What do you think? What? What is your heart telling you when I say this?"

"How is he capable of making everything sound like a tirade?"

"Do I sound upset? Trying not to go for that."

"I don't know."

"Listen every fucking body is looking for love, right?"

"You don't read the internets?This is a very popular subject on dating sites."

"I'm not talking about a lack of fucking sex satiation that people think they are looking for I'm talking about a serious lack of who they really are."

"Huh?"

"What?"

"You know this sounds even random for you."

"My girlfriend carefully pushed me down the stairs yesterday."

"Carefully?"

"Who wants to do something like that?"

"Someone who knows you. I've tried to run you over but the median was too high."

"Everyone is piled high in a car of stupidity when it comes to what is driving them."

"Not sure how that sentence works but...."

"I saw the love in her heart as I rolled rapidly awkward down the steps."

"But did you see the pain in her eyes?"

"Who really wants to do something like that?

"I don't know?"

"This searching is consistent even if the actions are different. Don't you think? Don't you think every stupid shit thing and everything that they think is love is all the same thing--lack, a form of lack."

"Your girlfriend pushed you down the stairs because she wants love."

"Right."

"Then I hope Lanvin fires a fuckin' round into my chest from a large caliber weapon because I'm really digging her. You know?"

"OK?"

I don't know

i can't

and i don't know

i don't know

i don't know

i don't know

i don't know