You are drawn to people who give you an opportunity to play out a role that has value for you. It may be comfortable or uncomfortable, but it’s a role you value. You avoid people when you find yourself falling into a role you don’t want to play anymore. And you “outgrow” a relationship when you no longer want to play the role or roles you play in that relationship. In ego, there is no way to avoid the past.

William is not a curator.

"Have you ever spent an hour or so preparing a meal and then as you loaded an entire plate with this food it all drops on the floor?

"Yes."

"Well you have to be careful. That has never happened to me."

"What?"

"I'm bothered by intellectual relationships."

"OK."

"I want one that is tactile."

"You won't get one using words like that."

"Intellect can make a relationship a museum. You spend most of your time in the beginning discussing your idea of how it should go, what philosophies you are going to use to hold it together, while not realizing that you are now in it. That it is meant to be driven but by something more powerful and out of your brains control. But you've decided on architecting this sterile environment. Calibrating it all intellectually and until you feel it has begun. Then you now have to hold all of this in place because people will be touring it."

"You've thought about this."

"I have."

"OK."

"Calibration, architecture. All this to avoid something soft, vulnerable, emotional, tearful and love extracting. It is such a warm opportunity, such a vulnerable state and such a strong and powerful witnessing. An opportunity for something ever expanding and instead we try to build something intellectual that's also a carriage for other peoples inspiration as we hold it still so it can be toured."

"Who wants to witness all of that bloodletting. In a museum no doubt."

"I know. Who wants too? I want to be tactile though. I want to be touched. I want to touch. I want to stop thinking. Stop processing. Done with taking my cerebellum out for a walk so that my friends can comment on how cute her little coat is."

"Your dog's name is cerebellum?"

"Well thinking is a bitch."

Real love can never end; nothing in this world could possibly terminate it. If a relationship disintegrates beyond repair, then the truth is that there never was a relationship, only two egos competing for specialness. If it seems that love cements a relationship and later on it falls apart, there was little love there in the first place. Love is eternal, constant and ever-expanding. It is not possible to terminate love. However, it is quite possible to abort a special relationship that no longer sustains the pseudo-worthiness of its participants.

"The moment between before and after is called truth."



Katagiri Roshi

Slowie explodes with love.

"Just tired of hearing someone tell me they love me."

"I only say it when I am about to come."

"Listen!"

"I am."

"Nobody means that shit. But the body doesn't lie. A person's interactions with you doesn't lie."

"That's bullshit."

"No."

"It is."

"No."

"I don't know."

"You can tell when you are with the 'love exhausted' people who are done using that word. They are so relaxed that it doesn't even matter anymore. They are hanging out with you and they are not driving something or someone, somewhere. They are fucking relaxed. So relaxed something is spilling out of them, something precious and special. Something youthful and beautiful. Love is getting through the physical; it's sneaking out and making things miraculous."

"You believe that?"

"Yeah. I do."

"Ok."

"It is like you given up on it, completely. You've relaxed. You've stop giving it your definition and then it just escapes through your body--overcoming you, all over someone nice."

"Are we talking about ejaculation?"

"No."

"OK."

Lanvin believes from the get-go there should be no overlap.

"What?"

"Huh?"

"I didn't say anything."

"No relationship interferes with another one unless you are holding on to something in it that doesn't work from the get-go."

"What does 'get go' mean?"

"The time at which something is suppose to begin."

"Right of course."

"There is no overlap."

"So if I am having sex with subject A..."

"Sex will always be your exhibit right?"

"Right."

"OK."

"So if I am having sex with subject A and someone else comes into my life--well subject B-- with which from the get-go I want to have sex with them, than that cancels out sex with subject A?"

"If with subject A you two have fooled yourself into to thinking that your sex was suppose to be happening between you,rather than something else that supports your relationship. And if Subject B is truly and honestly desired and reeks of compatibility through the physical than yes."

"Um ok."

"No relationship cancels another one out, unless you are using the--said relationship improperly."

"Huh?"

"What?"

"I get it. I get it. No relationship runs ruck shod over another one unless there was nothing there from the get-go."

"Ah."

"Yeah."

"You understand."

"Would you like to have some sex tonight?"

"of course not."

"I had you as Subject B."

"Of course you did."

William will vet you and he won't shovel your walkway.

"This isn't the 60's people don't have a good excuse for getting involved or marrying people on one or two reasons."

"What?"

"Listen. My parent's married because they were in the same religious denomination and my father thought she was cute. That's it. That's fucking it. They have lethargically taken that 40 plus years."

"There was more to it."

"Listen. I only know this, because when I go see them those two things have clearly disappeared and they are like two people who are standing around holding on to just the nostalgia; just the years.They are strangers to themselves. You know? Never given the opportunity to vet themselves properly, those 40 years ago."

"Right."

"I saw a couple out digging their car out yesterday. He's digging the front out. She's digging the sides out. It is a snow day. 20 plus inches. We are all paralyzed right? They are out immediately after it has stopped. They are not laying on some bed together, sitting on the floor playing Parcheesi. They are out here like robots. The snow has given you an opportunity to connect. There is no excuse in this fuckin' day and age when you have so many ways to vet people to perhaps be trapped with. There's social networking sites, instant messages, email, where you go up one side of a person and come down the other long before you even meet them and become arrested by their energy. If you get stuck with someone you decided to move in with because her ass could hold up a tray of glasses with milk in them, then you are setting yourself up."

"Vetting. vetting for what? What are you looking to hire someone into your life like Common Wealth Edison?"

"I'm looking for excitement, not banality or trying to achieve some sort of cultural perfection that my family, friends and co-workers can be proud about. Fuck that. I am looking to flow with what I am given. That is when life gets exciting. I don't want to stand out in the middle of the street trying to dig out a car when the snow outside is creating a beautiful atmosphere inside."

"But I like a woman who can hold up a tray of glasses with her ass. That shit sells tickets."

"And I need to know what someone is thinking. I need to know that this person is humble, at least know where their love is. There is no excuse that two people have barricaded themselves into a relationship, which has surrounded each of them by 20 foot high drifts. This should only happen unless they have made it happen to extend love to each other. Hopefully you've chosen correctly by then."

"I see."

"I hope you can."