Q:   M
          

          It's my boyfriend. He promised me that he would work harder at loving me. He told me that love has to first start with him caring about me. He said he needed to 'care'. That is what he is having difficulty with. 

We've lived together for close to 4 years now, which has allowed me to lose some of my patience. 

Should I try and end things with him? or do you think he has the capabilities to care about me--which he can finally turn into physical love?

Regina the Optimist (not my real name)





A:  RTO

           I know this is not your real name because if it was your boyfriend's name would be Ivan the Terrible. 

Actually your boyfriend is highly self actualized. He has architected a relationship that I'm sure has provided him with a beautiful insulation of comfort. He has carefully fashioned you into a nice pair of sheepskin sleepers that he can walk through any possible uncomfortable experience. There is a parking ticket on his windshield; he drops his feet into you and the negative experience is teleported into what I assume is showing up as your bodies aches and inevitable pains. 

But I have missed your question. Does he have the capability to care for you? Yes his house is filled up to the brick chimney with 'care' just like any other 'being' born in this world. Is this care for you?


 No. 

This is how the relationship is designed at this juncture. If you continue to be attracted to it, it will have to come after you've both travel at high speeds the hell away from each other.

 It will have to come after significant experiences and relationships that you've had with other people, and then the attraction could just--at the minimum, exist to talk about how bad or how good these experiences are.


no luck needed.



M



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