"If I'm not driven by fear I don't have a clue what I am doing at all. It's like I need it. Like I need it as a minute to minute guide post to getting me in bed at night. With out it I'm not quite tethered."

"With out it?"

"Yeah."

"Without it what?"

"Sketches"

"What?"

"I just think that you are only supposed to have sketches of an idea. Just these shards that are solid but not at all needing you to put them together. You just stand there and wait."

"Sort of like ordering food here."

"You get this consistent idea, and then all of a sudden you figure you everything about implementing it. You're smart all of a sudden."

"Why do you sound accusatory?"

"Because you think you're smart. How can an idea which comes to you out of nowhere mean you now know what you're doing?"

"Is this a question?"

"I don't know? Listen, if you know what to do after that, than that is wrong. That is where you are on the side of all kinds of error. You got an idea, now you need another one and fucking so on. A idea of implementation to. A tight path to build."

"I'm thinking about my burger."

"Listen, we just have to hear what to do from the same unknown that gave us this thought. That's all I'm saying. Hold the sketches."

"I hear you."

If you stop doing things in your life.  Something will still happen.

                                                    Hey, negativity is consistent.

What I like is she is steady. She is still holding her place in line, while I am out of sorts; trying to see what's going on.

The Miraculous no

Don't make decisions

"I just think we have to do the thing that we absolutely want to do. There is something that you absolutely want to do. Whatever that is will work; will happen. It will happen because finally you are using the initiative of the right mind. It will be you 5th original choice in the last 15 years all the other ones were made by someone else or your feeling of lack."

"It is an incredible amount of trusting. Somebody on the other side of a busy lane of traffic waving you over. It's like a 60 lane highway."

"I still hate this place."

"That's what I'm talking about."

"I'm talking about this diner."

"Right. I had to fire myself first. I had to be miserable first, tired, entertain outcomes that were less than smart--well horrendous, eventually. I just had stop take an assessment, abate the distractions. "

"I'm not sure this is pastrami."

"You understand?"

"Maybe."

"I had to notice."

i wait

empty

i wait.

 many moments;excruciating, grating and suicidal. the kind that rips and punctures

moments alone in density.

ah

but now i wait

empty

empty of my own pain;handing it off

i see those coming and going and i wait.

Love the girl who holds the world in a paper cup
Drink it up
Love her and she'll bring you luck
And if you find she helps your mind
Buddy, take her home