Mae

"How many drinks did you have?"

I drunk till the evening went into a dysfunctional fade." She she said grabbing a crumbeled pack of cigarettes left at a table next to them. Fishing a broken one up, she remembered she didn't smoke anymore. "I need another vice."

"Alcohol is playing all the roles for you right now."

"You sound like my liver." She said reaching over and pinching a piece of his cake and shoving it into her mouth.

"No I am more like your pancreas."

"Hey I got an idea. How about we go back to your place." She lowered her eyes and found his.

"And what?"

"You know."

"No I don't."

"Has it been that long? In the past you would have...what? Commandeered a police horse and threw me on the back of it."

"Yea and we would've sailed down Michigan Ave. with me barely on getting doored by cabs."

"You know I changed my mind I want to go home and go to sleep." She whispered.

"Of course."

"I hate sounding like a man all the time."

Oceania

It is heavily unexplained







We are heavily libidinous

∫

"I like my men young."

"You mean your boys in that case."

"It's all about me." She said quietly. "You rudely pointed this out."

"Yeah…till it sunk in, but I was never rude."

"You are just, you."

"Yeah."

"But I don't want to know their stand on nuclear proliferation, Walter." She said spinning her tea with her finger and tasting it.

"You don't care about their take on the world food bank."

"Well I do care…"

"Just only if they could give a thoughtful opinion." He said sitting back and folding his arms. "But his opinion has to match yours to the letter."

"Your sitting there like some high school gym coach. You claim to have me figured out."

"You have yourself figured out and you're bored. Like some chess master playing chutes and ladders."

"What?"

"Huh?"

She stared at him for a moment "It comforts me."

She quickly drank a glass of wine

Pushed herself back from the table.

Adjusted the volume of the music

Fe ll back on the couch

Her feet dangled

she is looking

she always looks



at me



as if I am covered in sequins





I count her blinks

One

you, trying on pixels



sends me slowly into a fervor





in person it is to be experienced





completly distracted by every sense.

all

we are all married











Relationships pouring into each other



no walls holding them out












flowing love through different faces












we are all married

give
give
others give and give

It is whispered till it pounds

a drip



drip

in


our mind





love




is all




there is.

not to date you





sleep with you
or marry you

it is not the design










but to still love you



that is always

The work
if unobstructed by your ideas
is arresting, needed and will allow the focused to better understand themselves










the artist mangled and broken
not a witness to it

(seeks no help)


is none of our business.

i stand in your home











disturbing nothing,


as a light breeze announcing itself only in your silence




You are here




briefly

you are manic because of this

unbalanced

because of this

but I am here at your service and wait for yours














disturbing nothing





but yet i cause anxiousness,








tears,






anger




love




your self breaks you down

I stand disturbing nothing

hoping you stay home

crumble

and see this.

I need to unravel

I need to






maraud my history

--blot it out


and unravel

I need to unravel






I need to unravel to straighten out

to wear the humble of these spoils



only then will I see.

only then will my new seams hold my present.

I need to unravel

I need to unravel to be whole

there are two of me
one stands






and one watches one stand

stay uncomfortable

















stay uncomfortable with all you see

I need to unravel

a little

then more

it is distracting holding it together.

Pulling thread through a needle.

ransacken lore
i need to unravel--just a little
just little

to see

Hidden

it's easier that way isn't?

the birds are exactly where you left them

the sky is as beautiful as you thought it


but love


love has no construct

it flows easily and safely from that humbled source willing to extend it.

enlightenment is a demolition project














'Take me to the Truth-- undoing the ego'
Nouk Sanchez & Tomas Vieira

I am the confessor

Real love can never end; nothing in this world could possibly terminate it. If a relationship disintegrates beyond repair, then the truth is that there never was a relationship, only two egos competing for specialness. If it seems that love cements a relationship and later on it falls apart, there was little love there in the first place. Love is eternal, constant and ever-expanding. It is not possible to terminate love. However, it is quite possible to abort a special relationship that no longer sustains the pseudo-worthiness of its participants.





















Take Me To Truth undoing the ego


Nouk Sanchez & Tomas Vieira

i will admit that I don't know who I am








but








I



am


















discovered










(again)














I am built.













Through your negatives your positives and your moments








i am remembered.

The quest for certainty blocks the search for meaning.

Uncertainty is the very condition to impel man to unfold his powers

Erich Fromm

we should not be attached to an outcome that will cause us to lose our peace.



















Course Koans--
(miracle news)

Jean Weston

I wish there were no words to your self portraits

they can hang as scratches to a beautiful finish

there is much to take in





leave me alone with it.

a glass of water in a coffee mug
not older but beautiful

slow














down











you can't you say?
your life is running at that pace you say?















slow down







and your life will run at that pace you say

...for there is nothing good or bad but thinking makes it so


- edward de vere

..we are all pieces, some bigger than others. You know I just think people keep adding pieces till you can sustain yourself. Then you go around showing people how they can do the same

One

it ain't me





you are addicted
to your feelings



they can easily relocate with you.










from one to another

nothing is visible through that state

dancing with ourselves

from one to another.

...we as people stare at a huge important experience on the shelf...we study it..and instead of letting it unfold slowly telling us where it needs to go...we fuck it.

...because I make it my business to find the authentic self in people--no matter how bloody it gets. Not as a game, but it is that thing that will allow me to see more of my real self...I have grown use to that experience.

It's the sweep

I saw her today












across the avenue



how I found her in the distance
with the crush of 5 pm seperating us.




it was easy

it was


the stance that gathered me






the cuff over the shoes that froze me

and

it was the way her hand swept her hair that confirmed it



it is the sweep
fingers full; neck twisting



the sweep










i don't love her



but she is there

and i have returned


back to the flesh

back to the starting point

those who leave quickly leave something behind....



and I have returned

The honest one sits in a chair in the crowded room

You will call me a liar a fake a bullshitter.




You will hate me




I will connive


I will lie. i will...


I have created it that way







the template is insane so--






I am

but now you cannot stop seeing my honest one.









even donning my shit






I will still clear the way for him.

you appear to be a ship that's breaking up.

A whirling dervis



running






around trying


to




make





sure




all the windows are closed
Is this how you imagine the post show?





More of the same?







Things have changed in your world














except your mind

i created the tempest
gave it life
and then called it my Mother

The Battle

my actions
are seperate
from a divided and stormy mind













I


learn




that





moments before

a storm


there is a feeling of abandonment.





despair

Mother Teresa knew.







It is an error; a grand error









The mind battles on



and


my actions
know.

The Saboteur

the saboteur







is ready


coiffed, erect. Hands neatly folded in front









a smile ready--for anything you have.

I have been asked many questions in my life about poetry, religion, life, and I have given precisely the same number of answers, but I have never, I repeat, never, satisfied a single interlocuter. Why? Because all questioning is a way of avoiding the real answer, which, as Zen tells us, is really known already. Every man is enlightened, but wishes he wasn't. Every man knows he must love his enemies, and sell all he has and give to the poor, but he doesn't wish to know it--so he asks questions.



R.H. BLYTH

you have so many roads








love is sent out, misdirected and always stuck in traffic






drumming fingers on the dash
anxious and final

why am I

drawn to the broken
the foggy
the inconsistent




at home in their dreams
stuck on their porches
and frozen by their fears

Why am I

standing near
analyzing their pieces
kissing their shard's
and making promises I don't believe

Who am I

Sacred Tenets of Egoic Relationships

Being treated specially and made to feel special is a good thing.Having a special partner is a good thing.Other people can make me happy.Some people can give me more than others.It matters what people think of me.It matters how people treat me.I can be treated unfairly.Making sure I am not mistreated is a very important skill.It is right and good for me to point out the errors in how people treat me and tell themhow to correct those errors.Other people make me feel things.Other people can attack and injure me and they have.Because of the bad things they have done, other people deserve my anger.I am honestly angry at the bad things they did. My anger at them is not really displacedanger at myself for my own "sins."My actions are caused by what other people do to me.I never attack first.People have certain roles they are supposed to fulfill in relation to my needs and myhappiness.If they fail in these roles I have to feel bad about them.My picture of them is wisely informed by all of their past failures in fulfilling their role.In reacting to their present actions it is valid for me to respond to the entireconstellation of their past actions that resemble the present action in any way.People owe me because of how much I have given them.Giving to another means loss, sacrifice, and needs to be done very cautiously.The way I was treated in the past continues to be relevant in the present.My past should have treated me better and I can prove it by my achievements in thepresent.I know who my partner is, maybe not perfectly, but roughly.My partner's personality matters.My partner's material circumstance and place in society matters.My partner's body-its sex, shape, weight, age, clothing, etc.-matters.If someone can meet my needs I should be with them, if they cannot or will not I should leave.Knowing how to get people to love me-through giving gifts, having an attractivepersonality, body and life situation, and appropriately guilting them-is a crucial skill in life.My attraction to certain individuals holds the promise of my future happiness.My attraction to them is a gift that should make them feel good about themselves. It is not an attack.Conflicts are best resolved by a good memory of the conflict's exact history, goodbargaining skills and a willingness to compromise.



Robert Perry