never leave them.

no one leaves







no one can leave anybody










only their behaviour







where will you go?












whatever it takes, whoever it is




run



save yourself




but you can never leave

it is your behaviour.

don't speak

i have no fucking idea what I am saying





forget my proclamations





my utterances


my ideas






it can all be overturned





all of it




it is based on the easy; the comfort. the past.





love remains the only immutable.

the tear down

Just past the ceremony




i forgot




I forgot beyond the parade and the cotton candy that I enjoyed the tear down



It is first, the lasagna at midnight

the gift instead of the colorful wrapping and bows-- and its container.




During the pass and review I forgot I enjoyed the vulnerability instead of the prettiness. I put my mobile home there and splayed myself out.
I found it is where secrets are met and wounds are healed.









It is all far beyond the parade

it is home.









it is the beginning.

about yourself

What do I own?


You have to be


predictable


you have to know it


in the middle of the constant unsuitableness




you have to know this

the

floor
the people
the circumstances


fall about




put into a constant pile of different. A obscene amount of otherwise.


you have to know this one thing

Compelled

The day attacks

and the sun still shines







(till it can't anymore)







it is inspired to do this from somewhere.




it ignores the wars
and its own opinions







except when inhibited.





As long as it lives it it is compelled to shine.

Mae's heart is always broke.

"Love isn't what it use to be."

"Me without my hearing aids."

"Is it just my legs that get your attention?"






"Yes."

"Idiot."

"Right."

"I don't think I told you this before, but I don't know the difference between love and hate."

"Hate is one feeling I don't need to rehearse for."

"You are method."

"Dig."

She lined her cigarettes on the table. "I practically moved all of my furniture into his house. I wrote sonnets to him and saved all of his emails." She picked one and rolled it between her fingers. "I bathed myself in his cellphone self portrait's, and watched--in my mind our future kids tumble down the stairs."

"Even the banal ones?"

"What?"

"The emails."

"Yea. All of them."

"Ah banality. I knew this about you."

"My smoking?"

"No, with relationships you get embedded. I don't hear from you; and then every now and then I get these cryptic messages from the front, on how his braided chest hairs are so beautiful... "

"Sigh."

"Yea. Sigh."

"That's my problem though I keep looking. I don' t know what for, and maybe shouldn't. I'm doing all this looking around, waisting all of this time, all of it seems like something other than love.

"Somethings wrong."

"Yea, and comfort is proving to be brief from both polarities."

Anthony is out to lunch

"I told her to stop looking at the size of my head."



"When it comes to you guys having kids? And she persisted?"



"Well now that I bring this up, it was a bigger relationship than just having kids with me, you know?"



'Right."



"Well we were still in talks when it came to just having sex."



"Dig."



"But in the end she really wanted to move to Buffalo."



"And wanted you to go with her?"



"No she didn't."



"Of course. It sounds like love. It sounds romantic."



"I don't understand why we even got together. I must choose women based on their naivety in the future."



"Of course."

remember

you are at the spot


i know this spot





imagination runs wild
and fear sets out the chairs





even the venerable make it here



counting the hairs on their head in disbelief







Here the sighs are heavy

and every-- so called loving behaviour from the past is remembered




there are those who need you here

as validity is their comfort




and they will serve you with tea,warm pie and unease




but this is that spot we must forget









here we must listen instead of plan.





we must remember to forget.

melody

the way they are composed




the texture




the framing


the softness






it is like you are playing.




fingers across the compass
playing generously

playing lovely.

William is learning

"I know a lot of life's foibles do not come into play for you, because you spend most of your time sitting in this place."

"Foibles?"

"Dumpin' sugar and stirring coffee with your finger."

"I have a habit. Why should I get silverware involved."

"But I'm sitting in this woman's office and I feel disdain filling me up and shit forming in my mouth. She could just say anything remotely close or even in the suburbs of contempt to anyone else in our meeting and disorderly conduct bubbles out of me."

"You don't like her."

"No."

"Is it the perfume she wears?"

"What?"

"I read somewhere in the New Yorker that the perfume a person wears can cause disorderly conduct to be evoked from another person."

"Evoked? The New Yorker? What is this?"

"Well I am in the city of well read."

"Right. You know this women doesn't even have to say anything and I feel my blood pressure increasing and my thoughts dimming." He said resting his elbows on the table. He pulled himself back for a moment. "You know my whole point is that I am learning something here, right?"

"What?"

"Can you hear me beyond the music that is playing in your head?"

"Not really, but I have tile I could be grouting at home--I'm sure, and you are dragging me through a carbon cloud."

"Well my point is--now that you have properly highlighted it: I have learned something about myself by the level of irritation that is in my life."

"Of course."

Nicholas Flinch

"Look, my mother grew up in this town that now has chickens crossing the road a mile away away from a new--and only golf course. A Jack Nicholas golf course."




"Which came first?"





"The chickens."







"Of course."






"I'm no communist." He circled a cigar around a lit wooden match and quickly inhaled.



"Fidel might disagree."

"Dog, I'm not!"

"I know. But when does it matter that anybody cares 'what you're not'."


"What?"


"Try not to get me to say that again."


"I think my sentiments have shifted."


"What?"


"Sentiments. A emotional thought."



"Of course, but a man smoking a cigar never says sentiments."


Again he inhaled deeply, and surrounded his face with smoke. "I say whatever the fuck I want to say."




"Right. Of course you do. Your a communist."




"You know, I don't care about the uninterested. I don't care that there is gentrification; this city is 5 miles squared and horse shooed by water. Where can they move those people?"




"Is that why you don't care?"




"No I don't worry because...listen I will say 'I don't worry.' instead of 'I don't care' that's inaccurate. So, I don't worry because I believe in helping the willing."


"You."

"Me."


"What?"

"Yes"


"Not the helpless or the handicap?"




"Are you trying to trip me up with this blanket sentence?"





"Its fun making shit up."





"It is just the willing or the unwilling." He pressed his cigar into an ashtray. "Once you become willing there is always someone waiting to take you higher."

"I'm unwilling to pay this check."

You bring them, but I'm ok.

you brought them to the pier






they are noisy








but they dress so nice












comfort you with adulation (the outstanding needs no one to tell them so) and your favorite snacks
you take it all--yes--uneasily because your standing at this pier


of course they also hand you their worries
despair
and their darkness
and you wear them so you can feel you exist






you exist




you're expansive










the boat comes, and you can only sail when you have left them all behind.

You are here

You are




Yes you are







Looking for the construction

with all your tools loading you down


'is there somewhere I can go' you ask




'just somewhere I can lay my head' you whisper




'only when I am alone with its constructions' you mumble.








there is no future





you are here

building what I can only see

building what you choose not to see.

Lanvin gives you wings.

"I've known him for about 10 years."

"Oh."

"You of all people know I'm discernable."

"What does that mean?"

"You know what it means."

"Oh."

"So I tried to get him to make it another day but there he was in my neighborhood..."

"Gripping tightly to a lucky foot and a leprechaun's dick."

"Must you make this lunch memorable?"

"Of course."

"He comes up and he's on my couch, he is sipping from a Mountain Dew bottle full of red wine and he just sits there."

"He's in the china shop."

"No, he can't believe how quiet it is; he can't believe how relaxed he feels."

"Really? Just that?"

"Yes."

"I don't know..."

"You do."

"Ok."

"So a little music is playing, my phone isn't ringing, his of course is ringing every 20 minutes, and he looks at it and shrugs before throwing it back on the table. It could be a wife or a girlfriend, I don't know it doesn't matter unless he says it does. In the end I have conversation that can make his mind run cross country, and he responds to that."

"I only went out for cross country because I like the winged foot warm up jackets."

"And to show people just how slow you were in every facet."

"There was that."

"So what I am discovering about him is that he is a typical guy that would have no problem getting into my bed, but my space, my voice intoxicates him more than the red wine, and its long enough for both of us to take advantage of a different aspect of our relationship."

"You got patience for all this?"

"I'm sitting with you, right?"

"Oh."

"What are friends for, huh? I figure this is what its for."

The wordsmith went silent

it is
the distance
and

in coveralls

with
buckets and tools






and drops






scaling the mind



to construct the right sentence for fuck!


a question in words




that quickly train wrecks the paragraphs of inference






and leaves only the physical to do the answering.

searching the earth for diamonds








i find oil






gushing;










caking me

Hold reality close, flowers look better in a blur.

i like to move on
i like to keep it fuckin' movin


i don't enjoy it anymore
i've seen this play.


i've pronounced this role

i've been hamlet



no vices

no distractions










reality entertains me more.

I can pull you off the ledge




I can do nothing and your thoughts will correct

I can watch you find yourself





then you can save my life.

Storm before the calm

It is elephantine






vortex just outside the window

Yes, there is movement in here that we can talk about---








'at considerable length'

~

but outside we control its temperment



its direction.

We asked for this.

"what doesn't work for me is a lot of analysis when we have already identified that we are in love/are love. I don't like to build anymore. I don't like to build onto a car that now needs to be driven to see what its purpose is..."










~

love is revealed

and

she stands humbeled in adjoining rooms

something pulls
and she drags me along





traversing
the
stairs


down into the basement,



down near the foundation where she can begin her corrosion;where she can feel what she thinks she is.

where I can witness

Texting Anthony

"I was throwing my lunch away and I threw out my cellphone with it."

"Tony's Coney's?"

"No I went to The Corner Burger. There were alot of bags on the tray."

"Still how does that happen?"

"I hate that phone."

"Hated."

"Huh?"

"You hated that phone."

"I made that clear."

"You didn't want to go back for it?"

"I didn't realize it at the time. This woman I met at the station later told me she been trying to call me for the last few days..."

"It took you a few days to figure out you lost it?"

"I don't dig these phones. I remember in high school when we use to pass notes. You remember? It was about the anticipation. You remember? The anticipation. I folded my little note and just placed it in their hand." He said trailing off.

"Your serious about this?"

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. You make it sound simple."

"I just miss letter writing even though mine was blocky. I just feel now my ass have to speed up and for what? You can't really fold a text message and touch someones hand."

as
i
go







i try to lose her

my sleep will be easier. I think.







but she remains for another day.

i am getting better at this.

first

go

into all of your opportunities

its ok to bring all of that noise

you will have to do it again