Slowie likes the sunshine.

"I told this wonderful gentleman yesterday that I only had room in my life to fuck him."

"I'm sorry?"

"Well that was the only table available."

"I'm sorry."

"You know I am still with Moncler."

"His name still frightens me."

"I mean I really like him a whole lot for the moment. So if I was going to sleep with someone I only had room for degradation."

"But you saying you have it available?"

"What should I give it instead to Monty? I couldn't stand a horrified look on his face in the morning. I mean he thinks I'm a lady."

"But I'm aware you only dress like one, and he will soon find that out."

"What are you one of my shrinks?"

"I don't know."

"So I explain again to this gentleman that, yes this is what I have available--well abasement. And he says 'well maybe after that we can be friends and then even something more'."

"But you do understand that this pursuit for sex is a part of a man like his central nervous system."

"Yes. I can dig that, so I go further because I am curious. I'm the type that wants to see all the sacred sites in Iceland. So I confront him further with the possibility that humiliation could also take the steering wheel after a while. He asks me 'How much humiliation?' I explain in almost great detail, as much as my inner Vanessa Del Rio could allow. I turn it on..."

"Why spend this much time away from the TV."

"I do it really to save myself."

"How's that?"

"I do it sometimes because I can't help but take my vulva out in front of a pack of Richard's. I'm trying to extricate my unsavory side. A bright summer day seems to be the only way to do this."

"No it needs to come out to a stranger in a pencil skirt in a hotel bar in Seattle after your wife drops you off at an airport."

"You confessed didn't you."

"I don't remember."

"In the end I need to take this out for a walk."

"I have a treadmill."

"Maybe one day I will be free."

I've seen the light.

Yes you will believe this

I have seen the light.

the faint one drawing me near.

calling me closer

floating me

the city with its frayed edges just behind me.

i move away

just enough

just enough

you'll be given love
you'll be taken care of
you'll be given love
you have to trust it

maybe not from the sources
you have poured yours
maybe not from the directions
you are staring at

trust your head around
it's all around you
all is full of love
all around you

all is full of love
you just aint receiving
all is full of love
your phone is off the hook
all is full of love
your doors are all shut
all is full of love!

all is full of love
all is full of love
all is full of love
all is full of love
all is full of love
...

bjork

i'm tired of talking

i'm tired.

i'm tired of talking

i need to rest my head onto something soft. i need to bring my brow down

i need to open a new lane to my evolution.

i'm tired of working your mill

i just need a little respite

i'm tired of talking.

i am duplicitous

it has taken me a thousand years to get here

you haven't read my biography

but you have witness its source

you haven't felt my pulse to see how I am alive.

instead you want to behold my tears

so

i am deceptive

duplicitous

i am wrong

but i have arrived at that state

i got in your car--

heedlessly

and you drove me there.

And you stare at me.

You needed me here,

you couldn't wait.

It is familiar.

Again i am double dealing

and it is familiar to you

and even just a little comfortable.

while I have laid out a map to be explored--each city available.

what work have you done?

other than architect this trip to the conventional where hypocrisy is the mayor.

purple

The sun snaps me awake

and for a moment

one scary second

i misplace my truth

and then it floods my little city.

its first roll with

its martler

its fuckin' A

its fist of fury

it crashes

it serenades

i am engulfed.

Me.

i am heavily fortified

so I believe

my gate runs along the edges

so what.

i am as porous as the sea

life still gets at me.

i still need to be believed.

I will accept my present moment.

It has given me exactly what I need and what I want

I will honor my past, it has authored this gift.

Slowie is tired

"I think it is a lot more deceptive than me."

"Is that possible?"

"Yes. She was focusing so hard on what means the most to him. Well if he can properly identify it."

"That's a problem in itself, most of the men you date has that issue."

"In almost all of the cases yes, and it is clearly designed that way by me. But I have you know that I have another life going on, where I'm looking for something more opposed, and this is one of those cases."

"Right, of course."

"Once she found his consistent love she talked about how she was just like it, she went on and on about how she had arrived at the same conclusions in her life. She probably added a Francis bacon quote as a part of an email signature..."

"But this type of shit is happening every 3 minutes in the city."

"Let me finish."

"OK. Alright, don't be aggressive....don't make me have sex with you."

"After this went on for awhile--now you have to understand that there was no drinks involved-- that alone raises the person's accuracy rating. Not saying they are smarter...just more accurate at being smart or dumb."

"Of course."

"After we get so far out into the land of tweed jackets and Albert Camus and after he was securely on board with her method of operation, she heads back. She heads back to the land of the imbeciles and eventually to a conversation of how highly sexual she is."

"Was that in the same hour?"

"Just about."

"Did he bite?

"Slowly at first he kind of stared over at me, trying to see if he could read this-- clear about face in my face."

"You didn't say anything?"

"I was tired."

"Tired?"

"Yes."

"Of course."

"Well he didn't read my disdain well and quickly began to drop his whole facade and warm up to her. All of that Kafka shit he said ends with the possibility of a woman opening her legs."

"I might have as well. I think I certainly would have."

"My point to all of this is.....what is my point?...I'm tired I think that's my point."

#003

I felt like the only one who thought something was wrong. You was just one highlighted example of these fissures that lead out into my open pain. Don't catch me incorrect, you wasn't a problem at all just a light that illuminated it in me.

It was tough to deal with, and I don't mean for me to deal with, because for a couple of years now it had forced itself to be clear in my mind. There was no doubt that it was invited but now had taken up a huge amount of my time. It is now what I wake up thinking about and it easily puts me to sleep at night.

It was crystal clear. Matter of fact I miss the ambiguity a little, because it was this fucked up lullaby that I warmed myself with. The distraction was my entertainment. But here I stand clear. For what? Other than to make you upset? To send you packing, because inconclusiveness remains your friend, your confidant, your lover.

Me the drunk who has sobered up and waits on the train somewhere and you who just takes it anywhere. Anywhere away from me, anywhere away from yourself. But don't worry it is my problem. I have become calm and clear. I'm sorry.

the beautiful and positive you are dragged towards

you are tricked to see.

the negative and the anguish

you gallop to be

you whistle and

decorate your body

only thinking you're free.