words



words


No TV, idle moments, agenda


words



words


silence

Zen

There’s no point in translating all of the old Chinese texts—not if you’re serious about understanding real Zen. The sound of the rain needs no translation.
MORIMOTO ROSHI

Zen

Thus we see that the all important thing is not killing or giving life, drinking or not drinking, living in the town or the country, being lucky or unlucky, winning or losing. It is how we win, how we lose, how we live or die, finally, how we choose. We walk, and our religion is shown (even to the dullest and most insensitive person), in how we walk. Living in this world means choosing and the way we choose to walk is infallibly and perfectly expressed in the walk itself.

R. H. BLYTH

Subject 2

I just took your photo, and yes we were serenaded by Miles and Madeleine Peyroux.


Now you are calling me at 12:58 am on a Monday night.




At 22 I knew what happened at this hour.

Subject 1

She tried to come over. Drive her rental car anyway. I had just finished a conversation with a woman whose voice warms my blood, and now here I am in the cross hairs of someone's spontaneity. Upon separation from my wife I made bold and meaningless statements to the fact that: I would be out there. I would be entertaining personalities and creating stables of women impressive to even William Clinton. I would be solar pl ex deep in tons of sexual escapades (as long as they are familiar with the Tao, Aristotle, The book: Disappearance of The Universe... Stumbling Towards Enlightenment...The Alchemist...) and driving like a caravan through them with a horns a blazing.

But i just happen to bump into someone

and here at 10:30pm I would be spending sometime with this eager driver about her staying home and also more importantly about the importance of a good parking space.

I know terrible





terrible becomes outstanding


if all you know is

terrible

39 degrees with snow flurries


I'm fighting going

I have a stupid hat

and i am feeling a tad under the weather

your neighbor couldn't handle the screaming

do you you have your highschool cheerleading outfit to do it in?

Words

"The moment between before and after is called truth."



Katagiri Roshi





In May of this year I told my brother my wife and I were seperating. He hasn't spoken to me since. I in his eyes was soon to violated a covenant put into play by God almighty; a law that cannot be forgiven, with only some form of damnation to follow.

The only thing I have violated was his fragile sensibilities.

A Lexus, huge home and a large bank account had all substituted for wisdom, in his head. I had fought my mind to follow another road and discovered humility along the way. He had this country as an ally to support his philosophy against me, so I couldn't cleary lay blame, but just look at him as disabled. His life had become devoid of passion and imagination and he had--like many, plugged into the illusion of the ego.

My wife and I agreed to rearrange our relationship, to save it. Do to preferences, path requirements we had too. It was very clear that something was wrong, but we had it in our power to figure it out. We both still needed each other, but we also needed to recognize other loves; other experiences and expand. We needed to stop coveting each other and see what we've become.

But my brother has stop speaking to me, but I will have the last word resonating in his mind

create your own visited countries map
or vertaling Duits Nederlands

Calendar

ZAZEN
Is not thinking of good, not thinking of bad.
it is no conscious endeavor.
it is not introspection

Dogen

Her

Quiver









My building cracked and crumbled down
i


ok




ok

don't know



what to
say

pour pour pour; the words
and many moments in one moment



my punic war;my Hannibal into Rome

A




walk says a lot

fast and flailing
and someone commands you.

You are oblivious. I would have to meet you another way

slow
and steady, you observe; you chart your destination



we
could

talk over tea.

Zen Calendar

Opening to oneself
fully is opening to
the world.




Chogyam Trungpa

September 1

September 1
Originally uploaded by mer1969.

Zen Calendar

Wealth is the number of things one can do without.






Fedor Dostoyevsky

A 60 Year Old Woman Get's A Rectal Exam And A Man In The Crowd

E

dgar Allen Poe wrote this tale called a ‘Man In The Crowd’ —if I’m right, it is about a story concerning a gentleman who watches and watches as life unfold outside his window. He spends his days taking in the hustle and bustle of people in this London town, turning his voyeurism into a political and social game using his eyes to settle on their clothing separating them based on their status and disposition. The glint of gold on one, the tatters on another, he watches as if he is omnipresent sailing above them not a part, but over and around them. Later he finds himself intrigued enough by one that he ventures out to follow this person, only to find that this person is no different from any one of the so called lost souls he’s imagined, and he the voyeur turns out himself to also be a man in the crowd.

Saturday night I found myself traveling the vessels of the internet unlocking its sweet and juicy secrets. I was feeling like chatting with a stranger of sorts. You know that feeling you feel like logging on and talking to someone who has no emotional connection with you, generally you talk about which way they grout their tile—ok so maybe you don’t. So here I am first with a decision on how I should attack this need for banter. I realize now with a little over ten years experience online that you have to be careful when you do anything that has direct contact with a human beings in any venue. People can have a very different idea about chatting than you do, you don’t want to find yourself in a room full of hermaphrodites who enjoy discussing the smell of latex paint, unless of course Ralph Lauren Orange does something for you. Plus today I didn’t want to be sitting naked in front of a low angle web cam. I was instead looking for a little more of a lighter appetizer. Once I had the gender down—woman, I would choose my room; no community one or special skills one. I settled on 40 or over women. I choose this decade ahead of me not because I was always attracted to women older than me, but thinking I would find at the most women who have strongly steered philosophical ships; women who have landed in all types macabe smelling potholes and navigated out it smelling like a rose. These women have earned the right deliver—and again at the most, sage advice (ok, this is my Santa Claus that I like to believe, occasionally). I was also of course willing and at the ready to type responses too mundane weather and property value monologues if need be. In the end this was still just an exercise in boredom.

Once in the room a 60 year old woman engaged me from some small European city. English was clearly her third language as she took her time typing and apologized as her sentences seem to come across a little choppy. I had no problem engaging her I saw her as different; a light breeze in the internet alleyway; a warm up act to the witching hour.

But our conversation would soon change like Chicago’s weather in September. Unlike my past appetites--in this case, I was an innocent bystander—honest, I was settling in the lull of silence of our instant messages and then she swung back explaining to me how her husband had two heart attacks and now was being attended by a nurse; she was lonely, ah lonely, here it comes. This is where the road would cross I would try to pull up on the reins; I would pull up the stakes and slowly closed down like down pours were coming. But yet she was still innocent(least in my mind); still rather polite and dissimilar from what my brain was use to as a flag. She never at anytime made any approaches towards me; she never dropped the skirt on her mind and laced me with counterfeit come on’s. She instead engages me with a tale of her 21 year old lover who played soccer in France. 21 years old who had met her in a restaurant as she sat with her friends. They would eye each other and he would later introduced himself. 21 years old. They went to dinner after that then a sexual…uh sexcapade began. She experience everything this young suitor could give, romps at her friends home when he was in town was the highlight of her month. 2 year years earlier she confessed to being just a housewife and now she was volunteering her exit for his circumcised entrance as if it was a tray of Christmas cookies her mother in law offered. She was just elated to deliver this to me; she was almost beside herself at this new found “turning out” was salvationly expressed, as if she was 19 years old and her best friend’s older brother asked her into the basement. Why at 61 must someone has to experience something that maybe a college girl 40 years younger than her chalks up as a good weekend, and why must I be a man in the crowd?

PORN AS A PERQUISITE

A


friend of mine and I discussed 70's porn. Well it was mostly me, she is not a devotee of the... um art. It just doesn't surprise me anymore what we are going to wind up talking about when we open are mouths. She was talking about some guy she met at an AA meeting who made his living as a bean counter for a coffee company and then from out of nowhere she finds herself knee deep in my 16 year old visual escapades. Now mind you I am no expert of the hairy productions of that decade, I was a boy who stumbled onto his ole mans stash one day while looking under a mound of clothes in a sealed box under some old National Geographic magazines around the bottom of a false floor.
Everything beautiful about a woman I learned from 70's porn I learned what a real woman's body looks like; breast that dip just below the jet stream, ample thighs, grocery clerk looks. Sure you could say Kay Parker was attractive, Seka, Vanessa Del Rio, but attractive in the right ways; a woman; just a normal heavily make-uped woman who just happened to arouse me immensely with her real expressions and working class scars. No silicone required, or razors for that matter, just an awkwardly positioned body who later could easily be in the kitchen making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and doing her son's homework. Sure it was bad acting with comedy and a little drama thrown in, but I was in love and apparently in front of some sociological experiment.

ZEN Calendar

Having no destination, I am never lost.




Ikkyu

Start

Start
Originally uploaded by mer1969.

Hyde

Originally uploaded by mer1969.