Nicholas to the stand

"This counselor is in my head." He said searching his hands for a moment. "He has always been there you understand..."





"You mean its in mine too? This is where you're leading, based on the nature of our past conversations."



"Yours as well, yes, if it dries your bed, then yours as well , but can I just say mine for the moment, you know? Just to make what I am saying easier? Just to get the fuckin' words out before I'm interrupted."



"Yea, OK. Whatever you like...I will allow it. Why the hell do you talk to me again?"

"I don't know yet."

"Of course."


"I have this person I think I am, right? This so called idea of myself, based on how this counselor has censored all of my experiences, right?



"Censored?"



"He's a counselor, right? My prom, marriage, the relationship to my Mother etc...."



"The strippers."



"Some of the strippers, yes. He has interpreted all of this so that I stay comfortable and keep him employed."



"He gets you off though, of course, you know when it comes to life's heartache. Keeps you out of trouble."



"Temporarily off. So in the mean time he has created this person who I think I am, right. I think I am a pimp, philosopher or overall admired, even though I give a good 23 percent when it it comes to life. He gets me the easy way out; with the most limited use of my intuition, right?"

"Helluva lawyer."

"Yea. But check this out; when I meet up with a real person, a authentic person, a person and or situation that has fired this motherfucka' long ago. I see another person in me, one that is untethered and new, one that's scary and free. No lawyer needed just someone to witness incredible feats. You understand what I am saying?"

"Of course."

"Right. Do you know that unstoppable force that you might use Jim Beam, sex or hatred to quiet it, because you are afraid of this person's independence. "

"Or just a little bud--just a little, when you are in the privacy of your home on a late Friday night before a friends birthday party."

"Right, of course, where's my gift?"

"Me sober."

" You know, we dull this person because we are afraid of being venerable, and instead go back to the counselor who meets us at whatever sorry degree we retreat to.You know?"

"Dig."

"Right."

"You've spoiled my appetite."

"In this restaurant's case that's good. We should leave before the Health Inspector gets here."