Slowie likes corn dogs

"He was feeding his cat a corn dog."

"I'm sorry?"

"He had run out of cat food so he was feeding his cat a very large corn dog at 2 in the morning."

"How did you meet this gentleman?"

"I'm not sure I've notice this about myself but I lead sexually with just about everyone I meet."

"Is that a statement?"

"Some people lead with a handshake. I start conversations with at least one mention of my vulva."

"It is one reason my mother- after your first exchange believes you need Jesus and Gandhi in your life."

"Fuck that. I don't believe in the Mormons."

"Of course, but are you some sort of sex addict? Even though it took us at least three dates to consummate our sloppy series of one night stands I still have to ask this."

"You were a mistake remember? That is another thing about me; I am having sex with a person all while I am trying to end things. It is like I get lazy, and like to have sex as I am taking a break from the break up. Do you understand my logic?"

"Not at all."

"To be honest. I think I use sex to control people."

"Wow. I don't think I've ever heard that before."

"Right. Listen. I manipulate them, using for example oral sex to distance myself and establish control..."

"Please don't ruin things for me. I have told my friends how special you've made me feel with your ringed finger grip and your controlled breathing."

"To be really honest early on men ran from me so I found something they couldn't run from. I just positioned myself better in the transient relationship."

"OK. You made it so that you wouldn't be burned in case of a fire?"

"Yeah."

"So you became a guy? Can I get another look at that vulva this evening. I'm just saying, you know."

"If you can't beat them off joined them."

"You're to sexy for all of this warmongering. What I can't understand is why you truly send so many men packing. I mean I have my ideas."

"Do you?"

"Of course. I've took a few classes on you. I've played you in my mind with the metronome. You draw a gentleman in with your vivaciousness then you quickly pummel him with your pasts gaping woundage. You are trying to punish yourself in the most intimate experience you can find known to man all because of a misplace idea you have about yourself.."

"Is 'woundage' a word?"

"No."

"You think this is all me Doctor?"

"All you. All fucking you and your corn dogs."

"You can now tell your friends I'm sad and lonely."

"Nah. You're just lonely and need Jesus in your life."

"I need a corn dog."