Nicholas wants to disappear

"The only fucking thing I want is peace. I'm not saying this because it's cool to say or it's some spiritual proclamation."

"I didn't say anything.

"I know you didn't"

"Ok."

"I don't want to be seen. I don't want to be seen at all. if I pick something up. If I admire something, I have just gave away my position. I have just open myself up to ridicule, manipulation, hate. Venomous shit."

"What are we talking about here."

"I don't know. I mean we are talking about surrender and disappearance. Or just standing there. Just standing there, when someone is looking you over for anything they can use against you. Whatever your favorite thing is, the things you covet. The position you want to hold. Give all of that shit up."

"Ok"

"I found I don't even want it. I found I want it because they want it. I can give a shit about it really. The only thing I want is peace and quiet. I just want to hear myself not think."

"Ah."

"Yes."

"Giving it up makes you almost disappear right in front of them. I don't want it."

"Do you want that chocolate crawler?"