i love your smirk




your chuckle



the way your eyes curve down like an umbrella when you smile






and that your favorite font is this



yes

all of it

"The train
has left
the station."

she is a veteran
of something


but a virgin here



oh such an amateur at what others are weighted down in.

Lemons for William

"She came over at 11 last night to make lemonade for me."


"lemonade?"


"Yea."

"Is that was she was calling it?"


"This woman is different or maybe I am." He finished his beer and flagged a waitress down for another. "She came over with about 8 lemons, raw cane sugar and a small container of blackberries." He said pulling himself closer to the table.


"At night?"


"Yea."


"No Vodka?"


"No thank you."


"What is the significance of this?"


"You can't see?"


"You seem to be amiss yourself."


"Amiss?"

"Yea."

"What the fuck is that word doing in your sentence? Anyway I claim to not know, but its her weightlessness and authenticity. There was some carnality to our evening, but don't you see? Authenticity is somewhere in those lemons."

Soaking Mae

"He promised me the rain would pass."



"Of course he is in charge of that."



"I was looking so pretty. I was in this Ralph Lauren floral; my hair tamed..."



"Your attitude developing like thunder showers."



"I meet this man for the first time and I am completely soaked."



"The park has a covering band shell."



"Yes." She then sighed.



"And?"



"The music was excellent and everyone piled closed to the stage."



"I understand, but knowing you, after a while you wasn't looking to stay dry were you?"



"Why do you say that?"



"You didn't like him. You could have went to the lower level to stay dry."



"Maybe."



"But your soaking flagellates you in front of him. And then you are are like, look at what the fuck you have done to me."

"And he didn't get it." She sighed. "I hate you."

"Yes."

"I wasted my time."

"Your mind is ridden with someone else so it's ok."

She laughs. "And I discovered that it is no help that he doesn't have and online presence."

"What do you mean?"

"Netflix is all he has and since we are still friends there, it is the only place I can observe him without him noticing."

"You are in a boat 25 miles out from the coast of Pitiful."

"I am instead anchoring there, purchasing some goods on the dock."

"Of course."

"You love no one so how could you understand."

"There is that."

"I sit there staring at the movies that are "at home." and wonder why none of my recommendations are in his Que." She says adamantly. "I see what he gives high stars and then I read his reviews. I read his languished sentence about Finding Nemo--again, just to be close to him."

"What can I say?"

"What can I say?" She says silently "That's all it leaves me searching for."

"Well you do have a boat."

"And a soaked pack of cigarettes."

"What is it about not talking to him, Mae?"

"I don't know I guess speculation gives me the opportunity to be ready to run."

"So you don't know what he's thinking?"

"Well I feel--since he is not talking to me his doubts are on loud speaker."

"And.."

"Yes?"

"You don't want to talk to him?"

"Well." She started and then went silent.

"You like drama don't you?"

"What?"

"When you was growing up your favorite show was Dallas wasn't it?"

"Falcon Crest."

"If there isn't a conspiracy you create one don't you? I didn't know this about you Mae."

"All you know is I like Pall Malls."

"And lemon cookies."

"But I'm also afraid."

"OK."

"I just like the beginnings of a relationship."

We were both there





and then you convinced me that I was.





I believed you









but you are alone
your actions say you are alone

Playwright

the playwrights


yes



it keeps are lines clever

and our sighs dramatic






slowing our pace






lengthening our act


oh we make it something don't we?


misdirected frustration, anguish,

and tears



our answers remain in the moment




our fears everywhere else



the dramatists

we wrote it.

Delays

no building shelters
demanding attention






delays







we are one
all are relationships are supplemental











this will show us that.

other side

from your tale
I saw you sitting there; candles burning
belly laughing. Telling stories

I see this tale
but i could not see this side

i am reluctant

plugging


it all in again is done with reluctance




why? I may ask myself
it all means well and its beautiful


but consternation still tugs a little at my sleeve


i am a little reluctant

Lanvin is Beautiful

"Sun glasses doesn't mean your invisible."

"I understand."

She twirled a fry in some mustard. "And its almost like they are just falling forward down the street and instead of walking."

"The humanity."

"What were you saying earlier?"

"Nothing. I was actually just longing for a point to your earlier story."

"Your so lovable. Do you pine for me as well?"

"Yes. But it is only because you are very very attractive."

"Encore un fois?"

"Of course."

"It bothers you doesn't it."

"Yes it does. It constantly puts me in front of you. It's obviously distracting."

"You know I'm joking."

"I'm not, this is a serious issue. A man can lose 10 years or more of his life being distracted by you. Matter of fact I was suppose to meet my mother today but quickly canceled it after you called. She could have been getting back the results from her Oncologist "

"I am responsible for you."

"I guess you are."

"You are completely distracted by me. I am your false idol, and I have to help you by denying your ass everything you want--which you have a problem telling me anyway, and just give you what you need."

"I'm serious."

"I know you are."

the Cleaner



anything you are attached to-


gripping onto this idea.


riding on space and times merry-go-round


lose your grip


you can walk right out the fucking front door

You see the flesh or recognize the spirit. There is no compromise between the two. If one is real the other must be false, for what is real denies its opposite. There is no choice in vision but this one.

























--A Course In Miracles

The Offering

swollen hands under your open shirt

hands pressing firmly into your softness
the pursuer's blood warm


you do more with a craned neck






opening it to their lips






placid face and turned away



drawing the tide over you










but your mind is closed







and


disinterests snares the pursuers.

is it just me? What am i seeing?




you've pulled this before





many times

that mind

lost and away


your body again off its leash and uprotected


its landscape open and calling






so vulnerable




so vulnerable



is it just me?

Anthony

"There is this guy that walks around the business circle with bats, you seen him?"

"Bats?"

"Bats."

"Pet bats? Flying bats?"

"No baseball bats, a bag full of them."

"College aluminum or wood bats?"

"I don't know."

"Is he homeless? Is he wielding them?"

"I don't know." He says stirring his coffee with his thumb. "I mean, he is not homeless he has a suit on and he looks like a motherfuckin' professional."

"They have stir straws."

"Huh?"

"Hey whats up with this minutia anyway, are they your bats, and he is just taunting you?"

"Man its just strange, I see this dude everywhere. Don't you think this shit is strange?"

"I may need just a little more time, and a little more of your story to care."

"Its just that I see him everywhere. In the Walgreen's at bustops..."

"Do you think it means something? Is it a calling? Are you suppose to be doing something with bats in your life?"

"I don't know. What do you think?"

"I think he plays in the park after work like a ton of other 'circle' people. they have alot of diamonds over there. You've seen them?"

"Yea."

"Maybe its not even the same guy."

"Yea that could be it."

William William

"There will be some casualties."

"Ha."

"No seriously..."

"It is just going to be mental abuse."

"No." He shook his head. "My life will be loaded with those that can get the best from both of us."

"Of you and them?"

"Yea."

"As if you are in charge of all this shit."

"I am."

"Of what happens to you?"

"Yea."

"Of course."

"Listen, I fucked up every relationship I ever had, especially when it came to women."

"What part of that is just your fuckability to?"

"Listen, From the first time at 13 that I realized that girls wasn't just something you verbally decimate and then somehow with the sponsorship of a dream, realize gangly and pockmarks were cute. I could have been looking for a different relationship with them."

"Gangly?"

"Yea."

"Its not that serious."

"That's my point, it is. Maybe at 13 I shouldn't look at it that way, but once I reach my twenties a flag has to go up if I continued to reach the same results with someone I get involved with."

"That."

"That its me."

"Of course."

"Of course. I am wasting this woman's reason for showing up. Regardless of how nice my mother thinks she is, or my Grandmother's belief that her presence had raised my college grade point average I am counting down the hours when I am going to be fucking her.

"Man, that serves as a Cad quality. I never realize that about you."

"Cad?"

"Yea."

"Yea well...Just to get my point across I will stay with the idea that it is just me. Wait till you realize that it can be masked in so many other things as well."

"Of course."

"My success depends on what I get from the people that come into my life. Regardless if its fucked up or not I just got to get my head just out of the..."

"Fuckability possibility."

"Dig. What are you drinkin'?"

Your entire life journey ultimately consists of the step you are taking at this moment.There is always only this one step, and so you give it your fullest attention. This doesn’t mean you don’tknow where you’re going, it just means this step is primary, destination secondary.













Eckhart Tolle “A New Earth, Your InnerPurpose"

Diana Henn Slowie

"So your chewing a large wad of gum and carrying a Louis Vuitton bag."

"What are you saying?"

"I don't know what I'm saying."

"Well I'm not fuckin' strollin' down Champs Elysee's."

"Of course."

"Can I just get a water with lemon? I'm not ready to order yet." She said as a waitress quickly nodded and headed away. "Why do you like eating here? This food is at the beginning stages of sub par."

"I bring all my lovers here. There is no exception for you."

"I figure that term should be used lightly with us."

"Are you wearing Wellies?"

"The day called for rain." Her eyes scanned the room. "Don't give me ' your I hate umbrellas soliloquy'."

"Knee high Orange rubber boots for a woman who everyday walks 13 feet from her office, before getting into a cab."

"Brings out the seams in my skirt."

"I still love you."

"I know you do."

"We had our moments."

I'm listening but I just had a random thought














I love it when you stand close

and whisper

while we are completely alone




nothing amorous or suggestive


just describing bits of your day

Mae is smoking

"So I walked up to this guy who was singing along to 'Born to run'."

"What is that?"

"What do you mean what is that? It's a song."

"of course."

"Who says 'what is that?' when someone is talking about a song?"

"If its playing someone does. Maybe something like 'what is that song playing'."

"It's not playing now."

"I know. I was just making a point." He said playing with his napkin.

She stared at him and then down at her hands and then back up at him."So I asked this guy to borrow his matches..."

"I thought you quit?"

"I made a mistake of starting again last weekend."

"You can smoke at Union?"

"No...well I know this place..but listen. This guy immediately launched into this huge monologue about himself..."

"Where do you smoke there?"

"What?"

"You said something about a place."

"Its a pocket where the cooks go. I'm over there a lot so they've clued me in...its no big deal."

"Its because your beautiful."

"Will you listen."

"I'm just saying. I mean I was never clued in."

"You don't smoke."

"Of course there is that."

it is calling



screaming at me from my mundane
I am uncomfortable
not agitated


feeling powerful and seen as more than ready

with a coach screaming
another one misqouted



and a direction unmapped

he believes there are two


but I've cleared the way to one
now I see only your strength
not my frailty.







if i am correct


I seek more to enhance your strength







you see your strength







I see my purpose

Anthony at the station

"So I told him my name is Anthony at the station...."

"Do you use the @ symbol or is more just the the word 'at'?" He stared at me for a moment then studied a woman who just walked past us. "That's a resonable question right?" I added.

"Yea. On my website I just use 'at'. You think thats smart?"

"What?"

"Using 'at' instead of @?"

"I don't know."

"I mean people know me as Anthony at the station..."

"You make them say the whole thing?"

"What do you do?"

"I say the whole thing because it is a proper way of seperating you from the other Anthony, and to mock you like the rest of your friends, because of your low traveled store at the station. We didn't think you would turn it into a..a way of life."

"Your jealous of my skills to create this brand."

"Yes of course." I said as our waitress filled our water glassess.

"I am a ass paleontologist."

"How's that."

"That woman was more of a Mastodon..."

I stare at him. "Ok you are creating a brand? Like Diddy?"

"I am epic."

He says this and then nothing else as I search his face. "What are you saying?"

"I don't know."

it is here
walloping,












and asphyxiating





me


throttling so I can see




what I'm not













i find the room





directed







i give







to finally experience

is anyone listening?












Doesn't mean that I will stop








I can't






I can only sit with my hands in my lap


















even though the box is so tight











no smoking
no drinking
no carousal












nothing missing











I am focused

Mae

"How many drinks did you have?"

I drunk till the evening went into a dysfunctional fade." She she said grabbing a crumbeled pack of cigarettes left at a table next to them. Fishing a broken one up, she remembered she didn't smoke anymore. "I need another vice."

"Alcohol is playing all the roles for you right now."

"You sound like my liver." She said reaching over and pinching a piece of his cake and shoving it into her mouth.

"No I am more like your pancreas."

"Hey I got an idea. How about we go back to your place." She lowered her eyes and found his.

"And what?"

"You know."

"No I don't."

"Has it been that long? In the past you would have...what? Commandeered a police horse and threw me on the back of it."

"Yea and we would've sailed down Michigan Ave. with me barely on getting doored by cabs."

"You know I changed my mind I want to go home and go to sleep." She whispered.

"Of course."

"I hate sounding like a man all the time."

Oceania

It is heavily unexplained







We are heavily libidinous

∫

"I like my men young."

"You mean your boys in that case."

"It's all about me." She said quietly. "You rudely pointed this out."

"Yeah…till it sunk in, but I was never rude."

"You are just, you."

"Yeah."

"But I don't want to know their stand on nuclear proliferation, Walter." She said spinning her tea with her finger and tasting it.

"You don't care about their take on the world food bank."

"Well I do care…"

"Just only if they could give a thoughtful opinion." He said sitting back and folding his arms. "But his opinion has to match yours to the letter."

"Your sitting there like some high school gym coach. You claim to have me figured out."

"You have yourself figured out and you're bored. Like some chess master playing chutes and ladders."

"What?"

"Huh?"

She stared at him for a moment "It comforts me."

She quickly drank a glass of wine

Pushed herself back from the table.

Adjusted the volume of the music

Fe ll back on the couch

Her feet dangled

she is looking

she always looks



at me



as if I am covered in sequins





I count her blinks

One

you, trying on pixels



sends me slowly into a fervor





in person it is to be experienced





completly distracted by every sense.

all

we are all married











Relationships pouring into each other



no walls holding them out












flowing love through different faces












we are all married

give
give
others give and give