Anthony can stop a single sex act with his mouth.

"Some people are undateable?"

"Is that a word?"

"I'm pretty sure. But listen you don't want to take them to the counter space design and the modern kitchen show."

"What?"

"You understand?"

"No."

"They are not built for that!"

"Ok."

"They are built for only a sexual relationship."

"Did you just whisper that?"

"I'm telling you if you don't know."

"I am the wrong person for this, because I'm not having a problem with that scenario."

"Come on you serious?"

"Yes."

"That scenario is built for a neighbor down the hall, not for someone who has created elaborate logistics to go somewhere when you know she's not capable of holding a conversation, and all she wants is sex anyway."

"What?"

"It's a wasted scenario is what I'm saying, it is a waste of time."

"You would like her to come out with it?"

"I don't know what I want. I know I can see it. What do I do with all of this knowledge? I can see too much."

"Well Spiderman with great knowledge comes great responsibility."

"I want to go back where I can't see so far ahead. I want to go back when I was naked in some strange woman's bathroom, where I stood in her mirror and said 'how did I get here?' I just wanted dinner and a movie."

"You don't want that I want that."

"Right. Your right. I think I have graduated. Is that what it is? You're the one stuck on the little orange sped's bus with your helmet and mismatched socks."

"let's try our best not to disparage me too much."

"I've become Superman."

"Spiderman."

"You don't understand what we just broached here. I am starting to understand things a little differently than the average person."

"I did always say that you were different."

"Yes, being the same is the problem."

"Do you have her number?"

Lanvin is attracted to love.

"Sex is an attraction, it is not love.

"I didn't say that. I mean I don't know what we are talking about."

"It is not some fucking destination. It is just a tool like anything else that you are open to in the experience if you are seeking to receive truth about yourself."

"A screwdriver."

"right, or course."

"You say this as if you believe sex isn't sacred."

"Are you listening to me?"

"Huh?"

"What?"

"I was listening a little."

"I see it as enjoyment. I don't see it as sacred."

"But it is the corner stone to all relationships even if you are having it or bitching about not having it."

"It is still just a tool in seeing yourself better. A tool cannot be studied."

"I can study how to use it."

"In your case that is manipulation."

"Maybe so."

"Definitely right."

"Would you like to come over later?"

"No!"

yield to the willow
all the loathing
all the desire of your heart.

Matsuo Bashō

Anthony is an insider.

"I feel like we are looking to be stars. I mean I was listening to some guy on the train go on about how he was picked with five other people to represent his company for whatever reason. He went on trying to convince whoever he was talking to how special this was, because whoever he was talking needed convincing."

"You like being Gene Hackman?"

"What?"

"The Conversation."

"Huh?"

"Forget it."

"It just seems we are sitting around waiting for someone to make us marginally important so we can tell someone else. We don't even care that we will be representing some boring ass company that we were just bitching about last week."

"That is what you pulled from that?"

"What? I got many examples. I just feel we are not making our own self important with anything original. Only our outside experiences dictate."

"Huh?"

"I'm just saying."

"What?"

"I just want to have an original idea that isn't first manifested from anything outside of me. I want it to be in my mind first."

"This all from a conversation."

"Yeah. But now that I think about it what I am saying now doesn't seem to be coming from anything outside me."

"What?"

"Now that I think about it again, what is going on outside of me is maybe meant to get something original going on inside me."

"You're a natural insider."

"Huh?"

pulled in its wake

pulled with a lot less in our hands.

Lanvin is not an illusionist.

"I have complete control over the negative feelings I have when it comes to people. In any negative situation that I am having with someone I have to look at how it is serving me and change it there if it isn't."

"Please, please, I need my coffee."

"Listen, these things were happening to me. Every situation where I found myself embarrassed or appalled at what I was doing to someone, or what was going to happen to them later, was really only happening for me to change my thinking about it. It was just a feeling, not an actual thing. Something trying to get my attention."

"You make it seem that this very real life is rigged for you."

"Not just me."

"This can't be true."

"It is."

"No I mean I ordered Neuchatel cheese on my omelette and they gave me cheddar."

"Stay with me."

"Of course."

"I am saying that if you are worried about a negative experience that someone is going to have; that you truly believe they shouldn't, you can look closer and see that the experience was just for you. And then they won't."

"But what does it mean? It is nowhere near that simple. What are you an illusionist?"

"It means we spend 99 percent of our time worrying about people, places and things when it comes to our relationship with them and it doesn't have anything to do with those things."

"What kind of power do you think we have? Waking up putting on my pants and walking down here took the full capacity of my brain cells."

"I'm saying your worry is a waste. The experience works without you. Even if you feel directly effected by something."

"So you want me to believe that there is nothing to worry about?"

"It's a waste of time."

"So you are saying that I really wanted cheddar?"

"You really wanted beer and cereal you're just trying to impress me."

Slowie was a track star.

"Hey I am staying centered it is the world that is moving funny."

"What are we talking about?"

"I like the quiet. I can't compete with that."

"What?"

"I have to flow with all of that."

"What?"

"I'm just trying to stop moving so I can get in sync with this life that was designed not of Riley."

"Is that what allows you to currently date the felon?"

"Well the felon is a caveat, but yes. He provides a wonderful service to my burgeoning enlightenment as long as I keep my hands inside the ride and I don't try to escape. I can't get any big bright ideas anymore. I can't slip out."

"What does that mean?"

"I am taken it for what it is. I'm standing still and going with it."

"That sounds like mescaline."

"A little."

"Are you on it now?"

"A little."

"What does this mean for the Slowie I know and sort of disdain?"

"She's tired. She's got caught. She was tired of running, and has turned herself in.

"OK."

"I was running to different cities building my little shanty towns."

"In designer shoes I'm sure.

"Possibly."

"OK."

"All the people regardless of their biography can catch me now. They can ply me with their mirrors. I give in. I give up."

"You sound like a fugitive."

"I was just tired."

"OK, but you do."

"I just gave up."

"OK."

"I like the quiet."

The images you make give rise to but conflicting goals, impermanent and vague, uncertain and ambiguous. Who could be constant in his efforts, or direct his energies and concentrated drive toward goals like these? The functions which the world esteems are so uncertain that they change ten times an hour at their most secure. What hope of gain can rest on goals like this? In lovely contrast, certain as the sun's return each morning to dispel the night, your truly given function stands out clear and wholly unambiguous. There is no doubt of its validity.

something is happening

i am looking too far

the new month

why do i go through my prostrations

while i sequence the future

the new month

the new month

it is the new month

it is the new day

it is the new moment

no time to celebrate, no time to rest

Maier's goal as a designer is to strip away all unnecessary parts until a dress or a shirt or a bag or a watch has been reduced to its functional essence--until it achieves what he calls "a certain nothingness."

new yorker january 3 2011

Slowie is fucking greedy.

"Fuck you"

"Fuck you!"

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"I like to cut away the useless shit that comes with a person."

"You like gooey centers."

"I like the most incredibly functioning part of a relationship. I want the most challenging inspirational part only."

"Only?"

"Only. Everything else has to go. Up in smoke. Cut the fuck away so I can see."

"You sound like a race car driver."

"I'm in a little hurry."

"Do you have time to buy shoes?"

"I always have time to buy shoes."

"Ok."

"I cannot operate unless I focus more on the jewel of the relationship, the direct purpose of our connection, then we walk in that direction."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that part of the relationship will expand my ass. That part will catapult me to the real reason behind this mortal coil. It doesn't mean people around me will understand."

"They will see all of these wrappers around you, as you greedily consume the best part of their ass."

"Yes the best part. Regardless of what it looks like to others. Fuck 'em."

"Ok."

"Regardless I will have something authentic in every relationship and that will make my sleep better."

"You can use an Ambien."

"No."

"You're greedy."

"Yes."

"I meant where did your sandwich go? You ate the shit out of that."

"Fuck you."

Lanvin is a villain.

"I'm a villain."

"What?"

"Huh?"

"Who?"

"I don't need an audience. I don't have an audience. I have gotten rid of all of my friends."

"I am still here because I am very curious and I still hold out hope that you will forget not to have sex with me."

"I love your consistency."

"That and my fuckin' scruples is all I have."

"Because my life is not a newspaper anymore, where I can tailor make it so that I am always a hero. But I have discovered some important things about myself. I have been able to take in more."

"This morning I posted online that today I executed the most perfect bowel movement than I have in the last five years. I was very satisfied with not only the length of one my actual yam, but also the comment field as well. It was robust and healthy. I do it for the comments."

"I think we can put a dark line through scruples now."

"Of course."

"Because my life experiences are not being distributed to other people anymore I am able to experience 100% of them. They are not watered down anymore by my need to be a hero, by my need to be accepted."

"What?"

"If I am traveling, dating and as you pointed out so beautifully--shitting, without and audience the experience becomes all mine, allowing me to get what I need to get from it without looking to see if it is making other people feel more comfortable with their life. Even though it won't."

"Ha. You're telling me that no one will know if you travel to Rome."

"I'm saying I don't have the desire to tell anyone. That's a little different don't you think?"

"I have no idea. I am a hero."

"You are but you lack life's nutrients."

"I can honestly say that no ones ever told me that my life is malnourished."

"A anti hero at that."

Peace over cost. your ability to sustain the peace in your mind should take precedent over everything.

Slowie is in love with fear.

"I'm in love with emotions."

"Is it on par with my anchovy fetish."

"Food as a fetish is a waste."

"Right, of course."

"I have spent the last 4 years picking men that provides me with a comfortable emotion that I can distract myself with."

"Can't say I completely understand."

"I start with a few preferences physically, but after that I just need them to evoke an emotion and then keep me suspended in it for the length of our coupling."

"Any emotion?"

"Come on, you know it has to be one that I have already agreed with."

"Oh right, of course, what came over me."

"It has to be an emotion that I am completely familiar with from a past relationship that primarily pissed me off but has become a trend of familiarity. One that generates the most fear without making me too uncomfortable, one that keeps me away from from any growth that will allow me to see a feeling I have never experienced before."

"You are looking for someone who can give you years of sustained fear?"

"Unwaivering."

"Right, of course. What is the benefit of this?"

"I'm just lazy."

"You don't fear fear?"

"No. I'm just afraid of love."

"Of course, right."

In Defenselessness my safety lies.

Tomorrow is safe.

The Quiet Way

There comes a time when you find that you are losing interest in the world around you. You find it harder and harder to find common ground with others. You have little interest in social gatherings, and when you are with friends and family you find it hard to be interested in what interests them. You find yourself listening more, and sharing less. This is a natural part of the process of detaching from the world.

A true spiritual path is a quiet sinking inward. As your mind grows quieter you lose interest in the clamoring world. You want your life in the world to be simple so that you don’t have to think too much about it. People fall away, or your relationships transform into simpler arrangements. You happily spend a lot more time alone, or with simpler creatures – children, animals, nature; those who know how to just “be”. When you do have to be with others you still take an interest in them, but not in what they find interesting. Some people will be drawn to your peace; others will be repelled by it.

At first some students experience this detaching from the world with alarm. It is contrary to the world’s thinking to lose interest in the world as you grow more spiritual – you’re supposed to want to “fix” it, or “correct” it, or “save” it, not leave it. And it is very threatening to the ego when you withdraw from its world. But it comes so naturally you will not be able to help yourself. You find yourself longing for more and more quiet, solitude, and simplicity.

Do not confuse this natural withdrawing from the world, though, with thinking that you “should” withdraw, or with hating the world. Natural detachment comes when your values shift toward God, and the world has less meaning for you. “Should” implies that you think that you have to sacrifice what still has meaning for you, and hating the world means that you still believe in it, though you don’t like it. Detachment comes because you are indifferent to the world because you recognize it is not your reality, and you cannot force this.

(from ACIM mentor blog)

Slowie is not in favor of the drop by.

"When it comes to men--my place is for piano lessons, dropping off, picking things up and sex. I don't want anyone to come by."

"OK."

"We can use email, instant messages, text and lunch outside to past time. Coming to my place says we know the direction of this relationship."

"How is that?"

"What?"

"Where?"

"Coming over is a commitment, that means I care about something that I need from you. You think I can sit around talking about the elections with someone when I haven't figured out what type of relationship it is? I need to know that. I need to be sure of that. It doesn't have to be healthy. There is no right or wrong to it. I just need to know what it is."

"You believe the intentions should be made known before they are wiping their feet on your foyer rug?"

"It is a 1940's Iranian one."

"Of course."

"I don't have a lot of time. There is no chat with coffee. There is no drop by."

"Come on. It's part of the game. It's like opening presents on Christmas, except this could have treachery and sexual abuse inside."

"Not if it hasn't been established in another form of communication first. It would be too awkward."

"In every case?"

"I say this only in the case of ambiguity. If the relationship hasn't been obviously established, through business or prior connection etc."

"So again what are you saying?"

"This is the only form of communication you and I will have. Sitting here in this decrepit diner, this is it."

"I just want to come over for coffee."

Manhattan

Facts. I got a million facts at my fingertips.     

    They mean nothing cos nothing worth knowing is understood with the mind.    

  Everything valuable enters through a different opening,                   

       if you'll forgive the disgusting imagery.                       

   I don't agree at all. Where would we be without rational thought?     

           You... you... you rely too much on your brain.  

           The brain is the most overrated organ.

diane keaton woody allen

Just let the moment pass.

with trust and patience

I'm going to let the moment pass.

the idea to speak--though, runs around inside of me

pressing hard, rude and scolding

I've muted myself.

tighten myself into a chest

I've digested and let the moment pass.

I have held in place malcontents.

tired, I just want to see.

I just want to hold everyone back as a fight is picked in our direction.

quiet everyone down

so I can hear.

just let the moment pass.